Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
