Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
