My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
