is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
