): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
