I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
