Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
