you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
