You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
