Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
