I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
BRING THE BAGELS
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
