I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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