I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
