JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
