i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
