I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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