'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
