Don't you send me to vm
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
