I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
