Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
