You're so nebulous sometimes
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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