I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
