I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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