Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize