Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
