I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I need moral support for this bender
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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