I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
