is wine microwaveable?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
