Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I would ride that face into the sunset
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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