I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Are my feet made of real feet?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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