Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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