I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize