I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
