I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
