I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
birth control should be required to get into college
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
