i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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