Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
