he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
