whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
