I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize