Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
