Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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