my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
