How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
