He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
