tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
