All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
