goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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