I must be too annoying 4 u.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
