Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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