your thong is hanging out like whoa
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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