So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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