It was confusing and full of hummus
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
