??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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