We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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