Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
