i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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