based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
