I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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