I accidentally had phone sex last night
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize