I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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