I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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