I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
