My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize