is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
