We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
