come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
