final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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