Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
