I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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