Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
