Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
