Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize